Wednesday, March 31, 2010

I Am Confused


Dear Fake White Bunny,
I really feel like I can talk to you.  Some of Mommy Chick's friends saw this picture and thought you were real.  And that you might bite my face.  I know my cheeks look delicious.  You may be made of polyester, Fake White Bunny, but you are real to me.

Help me understand why Pamela Anderson was in the bottom two on Dancing with the Stars.  Oh, sorry.  You haven't watched it on your Tivo yet?  Perhaps I should have issued a spoiler alert.

I guess I just don't know what the world is coming to when Kate Gosslin scores higher than Pam.  Pam is a friend of the chicken.  I bet you like little baby chicks, don't you, Fake White Bunny?

I have to go.  Daddy Dude just got a Wii fit and is running in place on a little board.  It is making me uncomfortable.

Wii Fit Plus with Balance Board

See you this Sunday, Fake White Bunny.

Love,
Monkey Mae

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Dancing with the Stars

Do you watch Dancing with the Stars?  I love it.  As you know, I'm a bit of a fancy dancer myself.

My favorite is Pamela Anderson.  She speaks to me.  Saturday Daddy Dude called us and asked us if we wanted anything from KFC:

DD:  "Hey, do you want anything from KFC?"
Mommy Chick: "No, I don't eat KFC.  Pamela Anderson told me not to."
DD:  "How about some grilled chicken?"
MC:  "I think we need to listen to Pam."

This is Pam from last week.  You know what I love?  Her hair has a giant tangle, but somehow it works for her.  I'm pretty sure that style only looks good on her, so do not try this at home.  I cannot wait to have enough hair to wear tangled.  Just looking at her doing the Cha Cha Cha makes me thirsty.






You know who doesn't speak to me? Kate Gosslin. I know, her ex-hubby is all douchey
running around in his Ed Hardy gear and I really appreciate her tummy tuck. BUT her 
extensions make my eyes bleed. BLEED I tell you. And oh yeah, she's not a very good
dancer.

Who do you think will be eliminated first?

Monday, March 29, 2010

Chicco Crib Toy and All Night Party

Mommy Chick and I are dragging today.  Maybe we have a case of "the Mondays."  I always hear people say that, but am not really sure what it means.  I wonder if we need a nasal swab for a definitive diagnosis.

Anyway, I've been sleeping in my beautiful crib like a big girl. MC and I loved co-sleeping.  She likes sniffing my head while I sleep, which I think is totally creepy.  Can you imagine waking up to someone inhaling your aroma?  Weird, but worth it to have access to the all-night buffet.

Anyway, MC's Gay Mother-in-Law (my Fairy Godfather's Mommy) worked for me one night while MC and Daddy Dude went on a hot date.  When they came home, Grandma Jean was chillaxin'.  MC asked where I was, and she said, in her Boston accent, "She's in her crib.  Where else would she be?"

Thank god someone finally figured out that I'd like a little "me time" and room to stretch my long legs.  And I've slept in there all night every night since.



Until last night.

Around midnight, MC and DD heard a concerto.  I was playing my piano.  In my sleep.  With my head.

Chicco Sleep and Play Musical Puppy Crib Toy

Normally, I love to compose on my Chicco Sleep and Play toy.  It allows me to express my creativity, while MC indulges in life's finer things, like peeing or unloading the dishwasher.

But it scared me last night in the dark, so MC moved me into her bed for the night, where just like old times, I binged like Meredith Baxter Birney in a bad Lifetime movie.

So we are tired.  And looking forward to our own space tonight.

Happy Monday.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Celebrity Encounter

Look who came to my house today!


Elmo is one of my very favorite actors.  I really enjoy his range.  At first, I was afraid he was some sort of Ninja Elmo Impersonator, so I body slammed him.  Don't worry, he's OK and forgives me.  You really can't be too careful these days.

Had I known an international superstar would be waiting for me this morning, I would have changed out of my lounge wear.  I usually have an "in between jammies and real outfit outfit" that I wear for breakfast and the resulting post-meal spew.

This morning I'm chilling in a basic Carters onesie.  If you buy more than $50 on their website, they'll ship it to you free.  We like free.

See that big brown thing behind me?  That's Rusty.  He's a type of dog called a Lab.  I'm pretty sure that's a very exotic breed, so don't feel bad if you've never heard of it. 

Anyway, I will rent him to you.  Even when I'm screaming and inconsolable, if Mommy Chick sits me near Rusty, I stop crying and laugh.  

He is simple, but I love him and his Big Brown Head.





Saturday, March 27, 2010

Looking For My Loot


Did that "no mail on Saturday thing" go through?

Friday, March 26, 2010

My New Tooth and Sophie the Giraffe


Do you have your tickets...to the GUN SHOW?  I learned that joke from Daddy Dude.  Mommy Chick used to fall for it all the time and get all excited thinking that NSync was planning a reunion tour.  I've got a million more, so stick around.

MC was trying to snap a pic of my new tooth.  But it is shy, so I cover it with my tongue every time she tries to see it.  I'm going to use a Crest White Strip on it before I release photographs.

I'm planning to grow some more teeth, so MC needs to get her act together with cool stuff for me to chew.  See that washcloth?  I like to chew it after it's been in the freezer.

But I think this looks even more fun!  It's Sophie the Giraffe and I want to bite her face off!

Vulli Sophie the Giraffe Teether, Brown/ White

Here's what Sophie's manufacturer says about her:

Sight: The dark and contrasting spots all over Sophie the Giraffe's body provide visual stimulation and make her easily recognizable to baby. She soon becomes a familiar and reassuring objet. Hearing: Her squeaker keeps baby amused, stimulates his hearings, and helps him to understand the link between cause and effect. Taste: Sophie the Giraffe is very flexible and has lots of parts for baby to chew like ears, horns, legs. She is perfect for soothing baby's sore gums when teething and is completely safe. Made of 100% natural rubber and food paint. Touch: Sophie the Giraffe is perfect for baby's small hands. She is very light and her long legs and neck are easy for baby to grip. She is very soft to touch, just like baby's mummy, stimulating soothing physiological and emotional responses. Smell: The singular scent of natural rubber from Have tree makes Sophie the Giraffe very special and easy for your child to identify amid all his other toys. Phthalates and BPA free.

Did you see that it says "stimulates his hearings to help him understand cause and effect"?  Cause:  You didn't hire a copy editor.  Effect:  I am laughing at you and your "hearings."

Anyway, Sophie comes highly recommended from my little baby friend, Genevieve.  She is very sophisticated and lives in NYC, so I'm thinking that Sophie must be the "it" teether.

I'll let you know how it works for my next Tooth Growing Event.





Thursday, March 25, 2010

Ergo Carriers on Sale


Mommy Chick and I LOVE our Ergo!  That's not us in the picture, but I'm certain we look just as cute and happy strolling through the park in ours.

So we wanted to let you know that today only, Baby Stealz has them on sale!  The pink one is $60.50 and the black one is $70.50.

I think you'd look nice with either print.  The best part about the Ergo is that your Monkey Baby can ride in it up 'til 40 pounds.  So at the rate I'm growing, mine should last me at least through the weekend.

You can do a front carry, back carry or hip carry.  Instructional videos are on Ergo's website.


I'm Growing Teeth!

I'm a little late posting this morning. I'm working on a pretty big project: growing teeth. I figure the only benefit of staying toothless is that I could be interviewed on the news. Toothlessness is requirement for being an eyewitness to a tornado. So is being shirtless. I've been practicing saying, "It sounded like a freight train."

"We didn't have any warning," is also a good one.

So I'm taking teething pretty seriously and as a result, I'm a little hopped up on Hyland's Teething Tablets. They give me 'roid rage so instead of blogging, I've been bossing Mommy Chick around.

I'm also enjoying my IQ Baby Buzzr. It's pretty yummy. Not only does it vibrate, but it plays music, too. It is one of Monkey Mae's Must Haves.  You can have one of your very own for $14.99.












Here I am in action this morning.  You'll see that I do indeed know that my name is Monkey.  I have another name they call me sometimes, but it must just be a nickname.

video











Do you love my outfit?  It's by Carters.  MC and I paid $9.99 for it at Macy's last week, but just discovered it is on sale for $8 on the Carters website.  You're welcome.


I'm off to take a nap now, then boss MC around at the park.  Ignore her cries for help, she likes it.







Wednesday, March 24, 2010

I'll Invite You to Zulily!

So today is the best day ever! First, I went for my six-month check up and I'm still Super Model Tall at 27.5". That means I'm taller than 95% of the other Monkey Babies my age. Yay, boobie milk!

Just when I thought things couldn't get any more exciting, I checked my email and had an invitation to Zulily! I hadn't heard of it and thought maybe you had not either. So here's the deal. It's an online store that is free to join. They have daily deals up to 70% off for mommy and baby, including clothing and home items.

Today they have these adorable Shoo Foo shoes for $17.99. They are originally $27.95. I heart them. Regular shoes just kind of fall off my Fred Flinstone feet, but I think these might actually work.



For mommies, we stumbled upon this super cute Bow Sleep Tank. It's originally $98, but today you can get it for $39.99. I guess that sounds a lot cheaper than $40, even though it's not.



If you want me to send you an invitation, email me at monkeymaesays@gmail.com. If you join and buy something, I'll get a $10 credit. I thought I should tell you that so you don't think I'm trying to pull a fast one on you. Then you can join and invite all your friends. And they can invite all their friends. See?

If you join, we can be Zulily secret-club friends and talk about all our fabulous finds...and our large credit card bills.

Wordless Wednesday: Burpin' Bath Time!

video

Monday, March 22, 2010

Freaky Supernatural Experience

So I had a photo shoot yesterday.  I was doing my best Kim Kardashian Carl's Jr. impersonation when Mommy Chick captured freaky glowing eyes stalking me!

 
                                                                                                   (Photo: Carl's Jr./Kim Kardashian)

I'm so sending this into a ghost hunting show.  My favorite is the one with the British lady who cries at any hint of a ghost...or Big Brown Dog.

Drool Bandanas


So I have a little bit of a situation happening here. Lately I've been drooling. A lot. At first, I thought it was simply a reaction to Mommy Chick's obsessive viewing of JT's new video. There are lots of shots of cupcakes and cherries.

And, BTW,  this video proves that 80's fashion is back in full swing. Why else would JT being wearing that jazzy little white jacket, reminiscent of the Members Only look? MC knew a gay who used to wear a Member's Only Jacket in the late 90s. We say an Unfashionable Gay is a waste of DNA.




Anyway, we finally figured out that I'm growing some teeth. That is completely awesome, because soon I can chew at the boobie buffet. That will be fun for everyone!

So MC is in this little club, where she talks to other mommies on the internet. That's where she learned about this: Drool Bandanas! Look how cool this little dude looks, rockin' flames!



Drool bandanas are $9.99 and you can choose from about 50 different fabrics.  I personally will skip the "en fuego" look.  If you click here, you can check out the clearance fabrics, which will save you 25%.



Sunday, March 21, 2010

A Baby Party and Rare Editions Clothing!

I celebrated my half-birthday with a big party! Ok, so it wasn't really a party for me. It was a Hypnobirthing reunion! Hypnobirthing is the technique Mommy Chick and I used to get me to "the outside." Busting out of a womb is a lot of work, but we loved Hypno. If you do it, your mommy won't even have to get that big needle stuck in her spine, so you should check it out.

Anyway...here were all are! I'm on the left in pink and green! Sunday is to my right. She and I wear our hair almost exactly the same. It's very Mia Farrow in Rosemary's baby.

Brock is next to Sunday. He is the oldest and kind of like the Hef of our group. He dates us all.

Reese is next to him. She is the youngest and hasn't had to have any botox yet.

That's Katelyn chillin' by Reese. I know she has hair extensions but won't admit it.


This photo is from our "Hypnobirthing Babies Gone Wild" calendar shoot. All proceeds will go straight to MC's "Buy a New Stroller and a Bunch of Other Frivolous Stuff" fund. Calendars are $300 each.

Here is a behind the scenes video. I will also sell you a director's cut of this. I was really trying to give a little something different in each frame. Watch us go!






video

In case you're wondering what I'm wearing, it's a little Rare Editions outfit. MC tried to find the exact one online, but we couldn't. We scored this one on sale for $10. Most of their outfits are regularly around $25-$35! Super fab!

I also rarely leave home with out my Trumpette Maryjane Socks. They are always a crowd pleaser and you totally need some.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

I'm Six Months Old Today!

Happy Half Birthday to me!  Did you get me a present?  I'd really like a weave and a bit of lipgloss.  Just email me for my shipping address.

Here are some of my current interests:  blowing spit bubbles, eating my own fingers, growing teeth, squealing at my Big Brown Dog, reading about Tiger Woods scandal, and being the boss of Mommy Chick.

Here we are leaving the hospital.  I was hiding my face because all the paparazzi was in a competition to get the first photo of me.  That's my Juicy diaper bag just tossed on the bench.


And here I am just a few days ago!




In Big Six-Month Old News, I have slept all night in my own crib for the last three nights.  For my next stunt, I will drive a car and go to college.

Enjoy celebrating my Half-Birthday Weekend, everyone!

Friday, March 19, 2010

Gap Friends and Family Sale

Mommy Chick and I need to dash out to Baby Gap!  The Friends and Family Sale is happening through Sunday.  That means you get 30% off your swag.  You need a cute little card, but I bet if you sashay in to the store and ask for one, they'll give it to you.  That's what we did.  You can also use the card at Old Navy and Banana Republic.

I am seriously in love with this little romper.  It's $27.  If I could do math, I would tell you what 30% off is, but I can't so figure it out yourself.


I like this for the men in my life.  It's $25 and again, you are on your own with the math.


I tried on these silver ballet flats earlier this week.  They are $17 and I still may get them, despite a bit of a cankle situation.


Let me know if you score any good deals!



I'm Releasing Text Messages, Too!

So everyone seems to be abuzz about Tiger Wood's alleged (that's a fancy word that news people use so they won't get sued) mistress Joslyn James.  She made a website where she released purported (another "don't sue us" word) text messages from Tiger.

One of them is about him peeing on her.  I peed on Mommy Chick's Juicy robe last night, so I have no idea why that's such a big deal.  Maybe Joslyn (and MC) should learn to put the new diaper under the old one while doing a change.


Anyway, I'm hoping to increase my traffic, so I stole MC's phone and am releasing text messages from Daddy Dude.  

DD, if you are reading this, I will remove these only if you produce the Maclaren Baby Juicy Stroller by midnight Sunday.  And MC needs some Tory Burch flats for the park.  I think you'll make the right choice. (BTW, these flats are pre-order only right now)


Like Joslyn, we are omitting our response to these texts:

"About to walk out the door.  See you soon."

"It'll be 7:30 before I'm done tonight."

"How are my girls today?"

"Don't open the edamame."

"I have to run a VD errand. Be back soon."

"Did you download the gorilla video?"

"Easy with the threats."

"I was preoccupied with Ms. Thang."

Yesterday Joslyn's site crashed from so much traffic, so I apologize in advance if I crash Google with this post.  Hopefully MC and I will be at the park next week with our new loot.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Weird Stuff at the Mall

So Mommy Chick and I met up with my two baby friends at the mall. We like to cruise around, drink Starbucks, and occasionally scream in the food court.

But things took a really weird turn. I'm not sure what happened, but I think I might be in a gang or something now. Some sort of mafia has taken over the back of the food court. We approached, and their leader gave me the OK to join him on his thrown.

I hesitated about even telling you this, because I know you won't believe me.  The Gang Leader was rabbit in a vest.  He did not speak.

For my initiation, I sat in a basket.  This is a blurry picture MC sneaked on her cell phone.
Freaky, huh?  Things got even more strange.  While MC was talking to one of The GodRabbit's mignons,  I was whisked away to another level of initiation where weird creatures sat on my toes.





I know all of this seems far-fetched, that's why I'm showing you pictures.

Let me know if you've ever heard of anything like this.




Wednesday, March 17, 2010

My New Friend is a Big Show Off




This is my new friend Sophia. I know, you're probably ovulating right now just looking at her. I haven't actually met her yet, but I bet when I do I'll discover that she uses hairpieces. But I'm not bitter.

Look how smug she is, all posed on a stack of bath towels. She's looking right into that camera, with her dainty bow, mocking my rose-bush-like hair accessories.
We love Sophia's wings. If you'd like some wings for yourself or your Monkey Baby, check out Dream Angels. They have adult, child and baby wings, so you can be a matching Angel Family.

I'm going to go apply Rogaine now.

Welcome to the world Sophia! We love you!

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

JCPenney, Who Knew?


Mommy Chick started the day super early today. She has a job later this morning, so woke up early to prepare. I didn't want her to be lonely, so I got up, too! I'm helping her by planting myself at the boobie buffet. Things like learning lines and blow drying hair are overrated.

Anyway...MC's job today is a little video for a website. The Website Owner People asked her to wear a black suit. During Nesting '09, MC gave more than 50 suits to Dress for Success. MC used to wear a suit for work everyday. I'm her boss now and of course do not require a suit. Still, I have no idea why she purged all her black jackets. She blames hormones.

So I suggested she call Jennifer from Another Online Mom. Jennifer is a complete budge-fashion guru and we knew she could help.

She promised we'd find a cute, affordable black jacket at JCPenney.

You know what? She was right!

MC has not been inside a JCPenney since posing for a family portrait in 1982. I've actually never been there. But we spied some super cute stuff!

MC got this jacket for today in black. It was on sale for $40.




We took a quick stroll through the store for you, and found some cute trendy pieces as well. We love maxi dresses. At first, MC thought this one was a little "Mrs. Roper-ish," but the more we look at it, the more we like it.

We also scouted new arrivals at Baby Gap for you. I'll be back later to highlight some of our fav's and tell you about a cool sale they have coming up later this week!

Monday, March 15, 2010

Find Your Very Own FabuGay!


As I told you Friday, it's super important to have a Gay Husband (GH). That's Mommy Chick with her GH. They went on a hot date Saturday night. MC is wearing Lucky Brand jeans and a flowy little Ann Taylor Loft top that skates over the sausage I left around her waist.

You'll notice MC's hair is in a high pony. It was down and loose, until her Non-Gay Husband (NGH) made a near fatal mistake: "What's wrong with your hair?"

The warning sirens that resulted jolted me from my nap: Danger! Abort the Mission! Danger!

Let me reiterate such maneuvers should never be attempted by a NGH, especially one sporting random blades of grass on his face from the golf course.

That is why you must get a GH!

You're probably wondering where on earth to find an appropriate GH. Before we get to that, you need to know what type of GH will be a match. There's nothing worse than a GH divorce. Thankfully Mommy Chick chose wisely and has not experienced this.

I'm young, so I'm still looking for a GH. I'd like one who enjoys fashion, but won't be too judgy-pants about my lack of hair. A good compromise might be a GH who would help me really rock my semi-bald head with some fabulous accessories.

MC and I have broken the GH into a few subcategories. Once you identify your type, it'll be easier to determine where you will find him:

  1. The Fashionista GH:
Enjoys clothing & accessories; appreciates properly fitting garments; religiously visits salons and often uses haircolor; subcategories include The Pageant GH and Celebrity Gossip GH

2. The Fitness GH

Hobbies include spinning and high-intensity training; Often utilizes calorie-counter app on iPhone; Avoid the subcategory Manorexic GH.

3. The Artsy GH

Includes acting and singing GH's; The type will judge your singing in the car. Often seen car dancing at stoplights.

4. The Butch GH

Also known as the "Is He Really Gay or Just Metro GH"; a nice option if you like outdoorsy events.

5. The Foodie GH

Enjoys fine dining, cooking, wine and trips to Whole Foods. Knows how to make a mean roux. I would like a roux in my bottle.

Tomorrow I'll tell you where to find some of these GH's, and how to meet them without looking desperado.



My Essie Winners!

Yes, I said winners! Since I love you so much and my last giveaway went unclaimed, I decided to giveaway two Essie spring sets! Winners were chosen by random.org.

Congrats to Shima from Giveaway Addiction and Joey from Big Teeth and Clouds. I can't wait to get big teeth. It will add an element of excitement and drama to my boobie buffet trips.

Mommy Chick is shipping your swag directly from Essie and soon as she gets your digits. Wait, that means phone number, right? I was trying to be urban, but I don't know what the urban term for "address" is. Sigh.

MC will contact you and you can also send me a MonkeyGram at monkeymaesays@gmail.com.


Sunday, March 14, 2010

Tick Tock, People!

You still have a few more hours to enter my Essie giveaway!

I'll announce the winner sometime tomorrow morning. I really don't know how this whole time-change thing is going to affect my sleep, so don't get all crazy if I don't have the winner posted by 9 a.m. I'll get to it.

Monkey's Honor!

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Enter My Giveaway!

What do you have planned this weekend? Mommy Chick and I are going to do a little shopping this afternoon. I'm super excited to be going to a birthday party tomorrow for Tom Tom, who is one of the stars over at Another Online Mom. I'm not sure what to buy such an older, distinguished gentleman. He is turning three.

Don't forget to enter my Essie Giveaway! You will look so glam in their new spring colors.

Mommy Chick is so excited because she is going on a date with her Gay Husband tonight. Do you have a GH? Make sure you read my post about why you must get one...

Or you could just watch this hysterical video. MC watches this all the time. I am so tired of it.


Friday, March 12, 2010

You Need a Gay Husband

Happy Friday! Don't forget to enter my Essie giveaway. It closes Sunday. I really want you to win.

So today Mommy Chick received an interesting message in her Facebook inbox titled "Gay Husband?"

The body read: "Just curious. lol"

"Lol" means "laugh out loud." MC had to explain that to me. I thought maybe it was some sort of judgement about MC and me spending so much time lolling around on our ba-donk-a-donks, googling Adam Lambert and Justin Timberlake. Lol.

See? I totally used it correctly. I am already a comic genius.

So apparently some of you are unaware of the necessity for a Gay Husband. I am young, but am already on the look out for a FGA at the park.

FGA=Future Gay of America.

The duties of a Gay Husband (GH) include, but are not limited to:

1. If for any reason, your Non-Gay Husband (NGH) refuses to attend any event, like Wicked or Phantom of the Opera, the GH shall attend.
2. If you look fat, the GH will gently advise a wardrobe change. Such a maneuver should NEVER been attempted by the NGH. Death could result.
3. Should you visit a sub-par hairstylist, the GH must tell you that "Your hair looks awful and everyone is talking about it." (Yes, this happened to MC)
4. The GH must engage in mindless gossip, while agreeing with you. Expect phrases such as, "She's stupid, AND I hate her hair."

See? You totally have to get one. Gay Husbands are The New Black. The thought that some of you don't have a GH makes me a little sad.

So...I'm making it my Monkey Baby Mission to help you! I obviously have some extra time, since I don't have to worry about blow-drying or flat ironing my bald head.

So next week, I'm blessing you with another series:

How to Find Your Very Own FabuGay!

I'm blowing spit bubbles in excitement.




Thursday, March 11, 2010

From the Diaper Bag: Dear Monkey Mae


Thanks to those of you who have sent me Monkey Grams! I love having Mommy Chick read your emails to me.

Here is our first "From the Diaper Bag" feature:

Dear Monkey Mae,
Here is a shout out to all the short, wide people who don't want to wear Mom Jeans. I wear the Curvy Boot Cut from Ann Taylor Loft. They are cute and affordable at $59.50.

I love your blog and think Bald is the New Black.

Jill

Dear Jill,
Thanks for the suggestion. We love the jeans and give our blessing for you to wear them with pride.

I apologize for adding that last line to your letter. Perhaps next time you will realize the importance of complimenting me and I won't have to make up stuff.

Love,
Monkey Mae

P.S. I am sorry you are short and wide. Did I mention I'm in the 95% for weight and 50% for height? Sorry about your luck.




Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Bubbles...No, Not MJ's Chimp

This is what I do when Mommy Chick pitches a stupid idea for our blog.


video

Blogoversary-Essie Giveaway



Wow...time flies when you lay around all the time and have someone wait on you. I just happened to glance at the calendar, and realized it is my Four Month Blogoversary!

Since you crazy chicks (and a few gay men)
went nuts over my last Essie giveaway, Mommy Chick and I decided to make you fight it out over the Spring Collection Mini 4 Piece. You'll get Pop Art Pink, Lilacism, Tart Decho, and Red Nouveau.

Here are the rules:

1. I'm ending this party at 11:59 p.m. EDT Sunday March 14th.
2. The winner will be selected by random.org and
announced Monday March 15th.
3. Winner must claim the goods within three days, or we go to the first runner-up (first loser as we call it)
4. For one entry, leave a comment. Make it something saucy.
5. For two entries, become a follower or tell us if you already are.
6. For three entries, link to this on your blog or Facebook.
7. No PO Boxes. MC will have it shipped directly from Essie and we don't need any drama.

Got it? Our last Essie winner never claimed the goods and it
made me cry. So don't do that, or I will find you and spit-up in your mouth. I'm dying to do it to someone, so it might as well be you.

While you're at it, you should totally make your friends follow me. You know why? Because when I get to 200 followers, I'm going to give away somethi
ng really fabulous, like maybe our 12-year old bulimic cat who has a deformed ear and questionable breath.


And oh yeah, those of you who read me but don't officially follow. I can see you. So become a follower, too.

So it's in your best interest to have all your hip friends follow us.

Thanks for playing with me for four whole months!

Wordless Wednesday



Normally I prefer milk straight from the tap, but I thought you'd like to see my new trick!

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

River Dance!

I'm working on a little something for you for St. Patty's Day. Take a look at the best 17 seconds of your day:


video

I was getting a little distracted because I was watching TV. I just couldn't take my eyes off Molly marrying that douche Jason.

I think it's fun to make a grown man with a doctorate degree sing in a high pitched voice. You'll notice I had to shield my ear at one point. Making Daddy Dude act funny is My Greatest Talent.

Mommy Chick Gets Lucky!

Jeans, that is.  What did you think I meant?  My brain is not yet developed enough to really understand innuendo.

Thank goodness MC knows I am The Boss of Her.  Apparently she closely followed my series last week, From Frump to FabuMommy.  So yesterday we ventured to Lucky Brand Jeans.

Look how happy Lorraine and Carlos are!   Meeting a world famous fashion blogger was a pretty big deal for them.  I took my stuffed Piglet along for moral support.  I needed it when MC  kept word vomiting  that she "isn't normally this size." Carlos can't take his eyes off me.  His hair fascinates me. I think I'd like to puke in it.




Once we got past  the chorus of "kill me's" MC shouted from the dressing room,  I approved two pair of jeans for purchase.





Bite the bullet and go get some new jeans.  Your ba-donk-a-donk will thank you.

I have to go rehearse my River Dancing now.

You'll see.

Monday, March 8, 2010

I'm Really Slow

You have to cut me some slack.  I'm pretty new at blogging (heck, I'm new to living), so I was a bit late discovering that I received a blog award!

You like me, you really like me!

Simply a Mom gave us a Beautiful Blogger Award!  Yay!  Thank you so much!  Your kindness makes me drool even more than normal.

You should pop over and visit her.  She has quite the Fab-Not-Frump design working for her!


Now I get to pass on the award.  But apparently there are some rules.  I'm afraid if I don't follow them, I'll end up in Blog Prison, writing for someone who thinks there is an "x" in escape.

Here are the rules:

1. Thank and link the person that gave you the award.
2. Pass this award onto 15 bloggers you’ve recently discovered and think are fantastic.
3. Contact the winners and let them know they’ve won.
4. State 7 things about yourself



Drumroll Please.  I love reading these blogs and you will, too!  I just know it!


1. Coloring Outside the Lines
2. Big Teeth and Clouds
3. Over the Homespun Hedge
4. Martinis or Diaper Genies
5. Ode to Motherhood
6. Stylestance
7. The Glamorous Life of a Housewife
8. The McMommy Chronicles 
9. You Have How Many Kids?
10. Another Online Mom
11.  Allyson and Dave
12. Mom of 3 Dolls
13. Under the Golden Apple Tree
14. Thirty Something Style
15.  Life in the Bat Cave

And seven things about me:
1.  I am now 5 1/2 months old.
2.  I enjoying sporting a tightly-cropped peach fuzz 'do.
3.  I am now 28" tall.
4.  I have rolls on my thighs.
5.  I recently learned to blow bubbles using my very own spit!
6.  I am the only human child in my family.
7.  I have four furry brothers.

Thanks again, Simply a Mom, for our very first, fabulous blog award!

Did I take too long for my acceptance speech?  Is there music playing right now...telling me to get my diapered bootie off the stage?

See you tomorrow.  I'll be telling you all about dragging Mommy Chick out to buy some new jeans.  It was exhausting.