Thursday, March 4, 2010

From Frump to FabuMommy! Step Away From the Mom Jeans

I get it, you don't have much time for yourself anymore.  Trust me, I hear Mommy Chick and her friends blabbering about this all the time, and trying to blame me.  That's why I've made it my mission to help you with From Frump to FabuMommy!  You can see the rest of my series here, here, here, and here.  Whew, that was a lot of linking.

Today, we're talking Mom Jeans!  Here's a hint:  If you don't know what Mom Jeans are, then you are probably wearing some right now.  I haven't actually done a study on this, but I hypothesize that the process of evicting a Monkey Baby from your tummy causes some mommies to unknowingly sabotage their own appearance.

I want you to go to a mirror right now.  Ok, turn around at look at your butt.  Mine is cute and tiny and soft.

  • Add one point for every inch your waistband comes above your natural waist
  • Add three points if there is elastic of any kind on the waistband
  • Add two points for a tummy control panel
  • Add one point if you can see your socks
  • Add two points if your back pockets start within three inches of your waistband
  • Add two points if the leg is tapered, but you are not in a skinny jean (or MC Hammer pants)
  • Get under your bed and do not come out if you are wearing maternity jeans more than eight weeks post partum (three extra weeks if you had a c-section)
How did you do?  If you have a score of three or more, then you are wearing Mom Jeans.  The first step is admitting you have a problem.

And lucky for you, MC and I love to read other blogs.  One of our fav's is Grasping For Objectivity in My Subjective Life.  It is super funny.  Thank goodness I was wearing a diaper when I read Rachel's post on Mom Jeans.  Otherwise, I would have peed on the Boppy.

This is perhaps the most in-depth investigation of this phenomena I have witnessed in my five months on Earth.  The only thing missing is a black light, or maybe Chris Hansen from Dateline NBC popping out of the dressing room.

If you are a visual learner like me (I love Baby Einstein), then I think this will drive the point home.  Rachel obviously wants to help us, because she posted pictures like the one below.  That is true selflessness.

Grasping For Objectivity in My Subjective Life

So put on your Pampers, go here, and prepare to hit the mall.

I'll see you later today with our recommendations for Non-Mom Jeans in every budget.


  1. I finally have new jeans I can wear so I don't have to wear my maternity jeans anymore!!! They are joe and lucky and NOT mom jeans! Yay! (can you tell I am excited about this?)

  2. Haha, after having DS I wore maternity jeans for a YEAR after he was born! I'm totally embarrased by this but I gained 50 lbs with him, had severe PPD & basically never got out of the house, therefore no shopping for new clothes & there was no way I was fitting into my prebaby ones. Luckily with Addie I gained 7 lbs & could fit my regular jeans a couple months after my csection. :)

    Love your blog, it's always so funny yet helpful!

  3. I have been wearing the same two pair of jeans over and over since having Monkey Mae. I must go buy some new ones.


  4. Hilarious! I love the points system!! Thanks for the review, Monkey Mae! I hope our investigative work can help many.