Design Your Own Stocking!

I love learning about holiday traditions. The whole hang-a-sock thing seems weird, but I'll go with it. I wear tiny princess socks because I have tiny princess feet. If I hang one of my own socks for this Santa guy to fill, I might get a grape for Christmas. So Mommy Chick and I decided to design our own stockings this year.

How much do you love these high heeled stockings we found at www.brightandbold.com? For $36.95, you can choose from two styles and 17 fabrics. Throw in another $8 and they'll stick your name on it.

For Cyber Monday, they are offering free shipping with no minimum. Just use coupon code 31SAVE.

Best Day Ever!

Finally! Mommy Chick put down the lipliner long enough to order this for my glamorous holiday photo shoot! Delaying a little bit was actually a good thing, because Miss Priss Tutus (www.missprisstutus.com) has added some super fab new stuff. The tutu is $20 and the shirt is either $15 or $18, depending whether you get long sleeves or short sleeves.

The antlers are included, so I will probably make one of my furry brothers were those. I don't hold my held up all the well yet, so they might not stay very well.

I'm trying to decide my reindeer name. I suggested "Vixen," but MC says it's inappropriate. Besides, it is already her reindeer name.

Look Skinnier Right Now!

Mommy Chick tells me she is thankful for so much...a healthy, silly monkey (that's me!), a dreamy husband (Daddy Dude!) and the cloak of winter to camouflage a few leftover baby pounds.

That's why I was really excited to show her this website. Some of you may like it, too! It's called Shape Fx (www.shapefx.com). They have super cute clothes that suck in your fat! Check out these "Lose 10lbs dresses." I would look ridiculous in one, because I only weigh 11 pounds. Since I'm almost 23 inches long, that would be weird.

Our favorite is the Satin Cap Sleave Control. It is $69. I bet if you order it now you would have it in time for some holiday parties!

If you use the code THANKS you'll get an extra 25% off!

Wishing Tiger a Speedy Recovery

Mommy Chick and I are so sad to read that Tiger Woods was seriously injured in a car accident this morning. This is from the Associated Press:

Authorities say Tiger Woods has been seriously injured in a car wreck in Florida.

The Florida Highway Patrol says the PGA star hit a fire hydrant and a tree as he pulled out of his driveway early Friday in his 2009 Cadillac sport utility vehicle.

Woods was taken to Health Central Hospital. His condition was not immediately known, though the news release said his injuries were serious.

The Orlando Sentinel reported that the airbags in Woods' Cadillac Escalade did not deploy, meaning the vehicle was moving at a speed under 33 mph.

Mommy Chick did a commercial with Tiger Woods last summer. And by "did a commercial," I mean that she was one of 300 extras. But hey, it's a pretty good day to get paid to watch Tiger play golf! She tells me he was super nice and friendly to all the extras and crew.

Here's to a fast recovery, Tiger!

My Dirty Secret

I hope you all are recovering nicely from Thanksgiving. I loved my starring role at dinner yesterday! All the flashes were blinding. It truly was like walking the red carpet! I showed my Papa how to work it for the camera, just like on America's Next Top Model.

So apparently on Thanksgiving, you are supposed to eat so much that your pants burst open. I conveniently wore an elastic waistband. However, I ate so much that I yacked in Mommy Chick's hair as she was sipping from her Waterford crystal.

MC's hair is her kryptonite. So she was very happy to discover TiGi Rockaholic Dirty Secret Dry shampoo.

I like it because it smells like fruit and MC can freshen her puke hair without even putting me down.

We found a Black Friday special at www.beautydeals.net. You can get 20% off your order with code 6291. That puts a 6.3 ounce bottle at $14.70 versus $18.99.

I think MC should take advantage and order an entire case.

Many Gratitudes

Mommy Chick says on Thanksgiving, we tell everyone for what we are thankful. We are most thankful for my health. I made my debut into the world with infected fluid in my lungs. This is what I looked like when MC held me for the first time a few hours after birth.


I recovered very quickly. The respiratory therapist said I was easier to "jump start" because I came into the world drug free. MC did a really awesome method called Hynobirthing. If you have any questions about Hypno, leave them in the comment section. MC loves to help other women and babies learn about peaceful births.

So I'm very grateful that MC passed on the drugs so that I could have the best possible start in life.

See how glamorous and healthy I look now?


I am oh-so-thankful for Daddy Dude for putting up with all of our shenanigans and working so hard so we can play and sing songs all day. And I cannot forget to give thanks for my furry brothers, especially the one who looks like Carol Channing.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Food for the Toothless

This photo was captured at the very moment Mommy Chick told me Thanksgiving dinner had been unexpectedly moved to our house. I mean, come on, I've only been on the outside for about nine weeks, and now I'm hosting dinner for seven?

By the way, MC wants me to let you know those are not her legs. I was lounging with Daddy Dude at the time. MC shaves her legs every day, and even did so for all 40 weeks and five days of pregnancy.

Anyway, my fabulous Auntie Dill shared a "dummy proof" pie recipe with us. Perhaps she is trying to give us a hint? I'm supervising its preparation tonight. If you are having any toothless guests like me, this is a perfect dessert.

Here you go:

Peanut Butter Pie

2 (3 0z) pkgs cream cheese softened
3/4 c sifted powdered sugar
1/2 c peanut butter
2 TBSP milk
1 (9oz) carton cool whip
1 (8 inch prepared) pie shell

Beat cream cheese and sugar together until light and fluffy. Add pb and milk. Beat until smooth and creamy. Fold topping gently into peanut mixture. Turn into prepared pie shell and chill for 5-6 hours.

I'm a Marsupial!

Mommy Chick and I are in high gear getting ready to host Thanksgiving. We've been dashing all over town...the grocery store, Target, hair salon (of course). You get the point.

The best part is that I get to ride in this little hammock:

People go nuts when they see me coming in my New Native organic cotton sling. Prices range from the mid-50s to near 90 bucks depending upon which model you choose. You can check them out for yourself at www.newnativeinc.com.

You know what's awesome? MC can adjust the pouch so I can chow down and no one can see me. It's just like Golden Corral, but with no line!

Let the Shopping Begin!

I'm getting a jump start on my holiday shopping. I mainly shop online. It's easier since I can't drive or walk. And since I hid one of Daddy Dude's credit cards in the couch cushions, I can pretty much buy whatever I want.

I found a great gift for my cats. Here are the Pussy Brothers enjoying some sweet cat lovin' on the couch.

I think they would enjoy this from www.kittywigs.com.

This is silver, but you can also select pink, platinum, red or blue, depending upon your cat's personality. You can have your very own Kitty Wig for $50.

Happy Shopping!

Surprise!

Thanksgiving is now at my house! Usually we have it at my Gigi and Papa's house, but they are doing some work on their house, so I get to host.

I've been working on a one-woman Thanksgiving show, in which I play a Native American, a Pilgrim and a giant Macy's Parade balloon. So being at home will more easily facilitate my multiple costume changes.

My Auntie Carmella Marcella Garcia, who is a very nice drag queen, always says that all proper southern ladies have china. We are nothing if not proper, so here is a gander at our Noritake Silver Palace.

The turkey that MC ordered from the Honey Baked Ham store will look beautiful on the Noritake serving platter. Don't tell anyone that we are not actually making a turkey. MC flirts with vegetarianism, so if she has to touch anything called "giblets" it will be a bad day for everyone.

I'll wrap up today with a Thanksgiving gratitude: I'm thankful for my family who loves me so much...and for great bone structure.

My First Thanksgiving

Mommy Chick has been busy teaching me all about Thanksgiving. You know what I'm excited about? Pumpkin-pie flavored boobie milk!

In honor of the holiday, I'm planning my wardrobe. I'm going to surprise Mommy Chick and Daddy Dude with something really fabulous, like maybe a rhinestone feather headdress. I think this one is both subtle and classy. I found it in the "showgirl" section of www.paradisecostumes.com. It's $130.

I will probably change into the headdress for dessert. Mommy Chick wants me to wear something like this for the first part of the day, because a showgirl costume before 4 p.m. is tacky.

The furry vest is from www.babygap.com. It is $26.50. These brown dotted leggings are from Baby Gap, too, and are $14.99.

Mommy Chick is still planning her wardrobe. What are you wearing for Thanksgiving?

The Happiest Place on Earth

Remember yesterday when I asked you to call 9-1-1? You obviously did not and this is what happened. Mommy Chick dragged me shopping at Downtown Disney with this giant pink thing on my head. The look on my face says it all.

I blame the lady at Daddy Dude's office. Friday MC and I went to visit him at work, and one of his patients said, "How old is he?" Thanks a lot, lady. Now I'm doomed to wearing stuff like this.

MC thinks it is fab. If you'd like to torture your own Bald Monkey Girl, please visit www.pinkbowtique.com. I'm currently working to get it blocked from our computer.

Over the Citrus Colored Rainbow

Ok, I only have a few minutes because Mommy Chick thinks I'm having tummy time. She is on the phone right now with some man named Mr. Michael. He is on WE TV's Little Miss Perfect. If you haven't seen him before, watch this Chelsea Lately clip:

Mommy Chick does some freelance work for Mr. Michael. When I was still in her tummy, I heard him talking about getting me a spray tan for my hospital photo. Fake hair and teeth can't be far behind.

Please call 9-1-1.

Happy Friday!

I hope all of you feel as fabulous as I do!

What to Wear on the Plane?

Mommy Chick and I are getting ready to take this show on the road. We're heading north for Christmas so I can entertain the Kentucky branch of my family. I'm very excited and am taking some extra vitamins in hope of growing my hair out a bit.

Apparently I need a new wardrobe for this trip. We live in a place with palm trees, so our clothing is not always cool-weather appropriate.

Mommy Chick did not even know that Anthropologie has monkey clothes until just a few minutes ago! I'm considering wearing the Purse Pocket Cardi on the plane. It is $68.

I hope my adorable fashion will distract any other passengers from my screaming. I did overhear Mommy Chick talking about something called "Benedryl" for me to use on the plane, but I'm not sure what it does.

When I was born, my Nana came down to help, but I still have not met my Papa. The Goldenrod Frock will make him positively drool at its fabulocity. It is $88.

Mommy Chick likes this sweater coat for herself. I like it, too. The ruffles are very hip, yet it still has easy boobie access for me. It is $188.

Days as a Car Babe

I used to be an auto show model.

Technically, I guess that is not true. First, the term is not "model," it is "product specialist." And second, I wasn't really the one hired for the job. Mommy Chick was, but I was the size of a blueberry hiding in her tummy during one of the world's biggest auto shows last season.

I tried to be helpful. I knew she was worried about outgrowing her uniforms, so I made her throw up. A lot. Non-stop actually.

See that picture? Mommy Chick is the one of the right clutching a small bowl of fruit, praying not spew it all over her friends' shoes. I am hiding under her jacket.

I learned a lot while being a model, uh, I mean product specialist. These are the phrases I heard most:

No, I don't come with the car.
No, we don't have any posters.
Diesel is not loud and diry.
Fine German engineering (That's my personal fav. Mommy Chick would randomly say that when all other words escaped her)

The reason I'm telling you all this is that since I arrived, Daddy Dude thinks MC and I need a new ride. We aren't sure what rocks our world. Currently, we have a cute little Volvo.

Daddy Dude wants us to look at the Volvo XC60:

Or the crossover vehicle made by Cadillac (SRX, I think):
I personally think he is trying to head off any possibility of a mini van because it is hard to look butch in one.

What do you think would be the best way for MC to chauffeur me around town?

Donna Martin Graduates!

Sometimes Mommy Chick wears Tori Spelling's old clothes.

Do you remember about three years ago when Tori, aka "Donna Martin," sold a bunch of her clothes on Ebay? I, of course, do not, because I am only two months old. But Mommy Chick remembers, mainly because she was crazy enough to buy something.

Mommy Chick scored a cute, aqua C & C California dress. She mainly uses it as a swimsuit cover and now really loves their casual, chic designs. I would take a picture to show you, but Mommy Chick will not let me because it is crumpled up in a drawer somewhere.

Imagine our delight when we stumbled upon C & C California children's clothes. We found these little shirts at www.milkshop.com in a variety of sassy colors for $36.

I think it would be perfect with skinny jeans made by Little Maven (Tori Spelling's line). You can get these at Bloomingdales (www.bloomingdales.com) for $30, starting in size 6 months.

I Like to Party in Pants

It's true! Every Tuesday Mommy Chick and I go to a party. All the Mommy Chicks eat cookies and talk about boobie milk, while the babies look at each other. Today I wore little pink pants to the party. They have stylish and functional snaps on the hoo ha.

If you are expecting to soil your panties at a holiday party, you might also want to consider pants with such snaps. If not, how about a jumpsuit? This is a nice grown up version of a onesie. INC makes it and it's available at Macy's for $99.

Hey, promise me one thing? If you do wear this jumpsuit, please stand like that chick while you collect your door prize. And email us a photo!

If you already have a basic black pant or cute pair of skinny jeans, pair it with a top like this by Nanette Lepore. It's $247 at www.shopbop.com

.

Please don't judge us for this next one. Mommy Chick is well past 21, but sometimes shops at Forever 21. After we saw pictures of Brooke Hogan wearing Forever 21, we vowed to never speak of going there. However, this find is so yummy, I decided to share it with you and hope Mommy Chick will forgive me.
This shirt is $11.99 at www.forever21.com. We love the boning and hook-and-eye snaps. Nothing like a structured shirt to help disguise the result of a few too many holiday cookies.

Mommy Chick says spit up is too hard to get out of satin. But if you have amini Jackie O, we think the dress is kind of fab from www.bloomingdales.com. It's made by Us Angels and retails for $116.

Not Just for Butts!

I'm a believer that we all have a Super Power. My Super Power is that I can stay awake for more than 12 hours at a time! Isn't that cool?

Sometimes Mommy Chick begs me to sleep. I think she is just jealous because my Super Power is way cooler than hers. Her Super Power is that her lips are always glossed. Anyone can do that.

Apparently my Super Power causes Mommy Chick's eyes to be puffy. You know how she de-puffs them? It makes me giggle just to think about!

She puts butt cream under her eyes! I think it is called Preparation H. It smells funny for a minute, but the bags go away almost instantly, once again putting the spotlight back on her uber-glossed lips.

After you deflate your bags, don't forget to conceal and highlight. Mommy Chick says The YSL Touche Eclat is the best beauty product ever. You can buy it and even watch a demo video here: http://www.yslbeautyus.com/make-up-complexion-concealer/c38_40_45/p141/touche-eclat-radiant-touch/product_info.html

It's $40 and comes in four shades. If you think $40 sounds like a lot, keep in mind that one tube can last about a year. That's a small price to pay for being fabulous!

Party Time!

I don't need a reason to party. Mommy Chick and I regularly play out our own version of Girls Gone Wild into the wee hours of the morning. But for those of you who lead more tame lives, the holiday season is probably the main time showcase your mad party skills.

Today let's check out a few looks great for cocktail parties. I am too young to go to a cocktail party because I can't drink. However, I might sleep better if Mommy Chick would have a cocktail and then feed me.

If I do bust out of my swing and score a few drink tickets, I will wear this onesie I found on Ebay. It is appropriate, yet subtle.




The Black Halo Kimberly Mini Dress is one of our favorite looks for grown up girls this season. It is a twist on the little black dress. You'll look hot in this. Even better, the weird woman from accounting likely will not be wearing this...unless you are the weird woman from accounting. It retails for $390 and can be found at www.shopbop.com.

I think $390 could buy a lot of diapers. That's why I like this dress from www.modcloth.com. It is $64.99.



If you're like me and never leave home without a diaper, you might be interested in something a bit looser through the hips and booty. This is a great cocktail dress from Maggie London. We found it and www.macys.com. It comes in red and a few other colors, but we love the yellow. Everyone else will be wearing red, so why would you want to?



Tomorrow I'll tell you how to create a hot holiday look with pants. Here's a hint...don't wear the ones that snap at the crotch like I have to.

And the Winner Is...

The Carol Channing bob! You'll recall we were very excited Saturday because the Celebrity Mobile Pet Spa was coming to give Piglet Faberge a makeover. Apparently getting the 'do of a current celebrity costs extra.

Mommy Chick was too embarrassed to let me take a "before" picture, but this is the gist of what Pig looked like:

Now he is ready for a career in doggie drag. He is currently rehearsing "Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend."

Happy Eight Week Birthday to Me!

Yay! I've been on the outside for eight weeks now! This is a picture from the day I busted out of the womb.


Don't tell Mommy Chick I showed you this picture. She doesn't like to look at pictures of me from the hospital. I had some fluid in my lungs and had to do a stint in the NICU, but am healthy like a moose now.

Mommy Chick and I watched a lot of E! True Hollywood Story while I was in-utero. So when I woke up in the hospital, I thought I was someplace fabulous, like Promises, the glamorous rehab center in Malibu. But there were no celebrity babies in the NICU for me to romance, just a mean nurse who screwed up one of my feeding tubes.

Hey, Nurse Lady, here's a tip: If you are going to suck at your job, at least try to look good while doing it. I heard Mommy Chick say that. She used to be one of the ladies who tells the weather on TV, so she knows all about people who look good but suck at their job.

The main reason I wanted to show you that picture is so you could see how gorgeous I looked, even while intubated.

I'm smiling with my eyes. I think Tyra would be impressed!

Celebrity Encounter

So yesterday I met an international superstar. Perhaps you have heard of him.

His name is Santa and he must like me, because he said he will bring me gifts soon. A lot of people have been giving me gifts, so he actually is a bit late. Better late than never, I suppose.
Santa and I met at the Orlando Museum of Art's Festival of Trees. Even though it is early, some of the people there broke out their holiday wear.

Repeat after me...Step away from the Christmas sweater, unless your name is Bill Cosby and you have a pudding pop for me.

Mommy Chick talks about "thinking outside the box" when it comes to fashion. I wanted to wear pointy elf shoes for my upcoming holiday photo shoot, but we compromised on this. I think I'm a little bit in love with it.

This is from www.missprisstutus.com. Most of the tutu's are about $20, and they are made to order. So that means Mommy Chick needs to stop watching "D*ck in a Box" all the time on Youtube and order my tutu!

Just because I'm suspending your ugly sweater privileges doesn't mean you can't don your gay apparel (Mommy Chick made me say that. She is obsessed with anything gay). Check out these fun transfers for $8:

Mommy Chick has a blingy candy cane on a pink tee! You can find these at www.rhinestonefetish.com. If you are too lazy to stick them on a shirt yourself, they will kindly do it for you for around $20-$22.

Tomorrow we'll talk about what to wear to your company party. It is important to look your best while drinking too much and doing the robot in front of your CEO.

McPiggy

I have an Ewok name Piglet Faberge. Mommy Chick says he is a Shih Tzu. Right now he looks like a junk-yard dog because Mommy Chick has not taken him to the salon lately. We're excited because the Celebrity Pet Spa is coming to our house to beautify him.

He normally wears a bob inspired by Carol Channing.

I think that look is so 1972. I suggest a look inspired by Patrick Dempsey:

I'll let you know what he decides.

Plaid: Not Just for Lumberjacks

When I was chilling in Mommy Chick's tummy, we would have "music hour" every afternoon. Mommy Chick would play me songs by some skinny white guy named Justin Timberlake. Chelsea Handler said he is "the pied piper of vaginas." I don't know what that means.

This song is still my favorite. It's the skinny guy and some pretty girl who wears a onesie during part of the video:

I think taking a shower in your clothes is stupid (Editor's note: Showering commences at :46). But I did discover that Justin Timberlake designs a clothing line called William Rast. JT is embracing the plaid trend for winter and has this women's shirt:

OK...if you have any boobie milk in your mouth right now, swallow it quick. I don't want you to spew it all over your computer screen when I tell you this shirt is $175. The thought of spitting up on a $175 lumberjack shirt makes me giggle. I have to stop because Mommy Chick gets mad if Daddy Dude and I make fun of JT.
I like this shirt from Ann Taylor Loft much better. I think the details are cute and girly, and the little ruffle details might disguise baby puke. It can be yours for just under $50. Mommy Chick is going to order this for herself.

Since I don't have much hair and am sometimes mistaken for a boy, wearing a plaid shirt is risky and a little on the butch side. So I'm opting for a sweet little dress made by Nordstrom Baby for Nordstrom. It retails for $38 and starts at size six months.

Let me know how you plan to incorporate plaid into your fall/winter look. And Mommy Chick wants to know your favorite JT song. But since this is my blog, don't worry about answering that part.

When Divas Unite

Fabulous minds think alike! Today I met my Auntie Cocoa for the first time. Mommy Chick wanted to dress me to impress, so we opted for my velour, leopard print ensemble from H & M. Yes, H & M has baby clothes and maternity clothes. Who knew? Look what happened:

Auntie Cocoa showed up to lunch in her own little leopard get up!

Note to anyone considering leopard print: My tiny swing coat features cat ears on the hood. Do not combine animal ears/animal print if you are over the age of 18 months. That is, unless it is Halloween and you are a slut. Then it is expected of you.

Mommy Chick wants you to cheer for Auntie Cocoa on CBS's "The Amazing Race."


Her real name is Ericka, but she requested that I call her Auntie Cocoa. I obliged as a diva-to-diva courtesy.