Find Your Very Own FabuGay!

As I told you Friday, it's super important to have a Gay Husband (GH). That's Mommy Chick with her GH. They went on a hot date Saturday night. MC is wearing Lucky Brand jeans and a flowy little Ann Taylor Loft top that skates over the sausage I left around her waist.

You'll notice MC's hair is in a high pony. It was down and loose, until her Non-Gay Husband (NGH) made a near fatal mistake: "What's wrong with your hair?"

The warning sirens that resulted jolted me from my nap: Danger! Abort the Mission! Danger!

Let me reiterate such maneuvers should never be attempted by a NGH, especially one sporting random blades of grass on his face from the golf course.

That is why you must get a GH!

You're probably wondering where on earth to find an appropriate GH. Before we get to that, you need to know what type of GH will be a match. There's nothing worse than a GH divorce. Thankfully Mommy Chick chose wisely and has not experienced this.

I'm young, so I'm still looking for a GH. I'd like one who enjoys fashion, but won't be too judgy-pants about my lack of hair. A good compromise might be a GH who would help me really rock my semi-bald head with some fabulous accessories.

MC and I have broken the GH into a few subcategories. Once you identify your type, it'll be easier to determine where you will find him:

1. The Fashionista GH:

Enjoys clothing & accessories; appreciates properly fitting garments; religiously visits salons and often uses haircolor; subcategories include The Pageant GH and Celebrity Gossip GH

2. The Fitness GH

Hobbies include spinning and high-intensity training; Often utilizes calorie-counter app on iPhone; Avoid the subcategory Manorexic GH.

3. The Artsy GH

Includes acting and singing GH's; The type will judge your singing in the car. Often seen car dancing at stoplights.

4. The Butch GH

Also known as the "Is He Really Gay or Just Metro GH"; a nice option if you like outdoorsy events.

5. The Foodie GH

Enjoys fine dining, cooking, wine and trips to Whole Foods. Knows how to make a mean roux. I would like a roux in my bottle.

Tomorrow I'll tell you where to find some of these GH's, and how to meet them without looking desperado.

You Need a Gay Husband

Happy Friday! Don't forget to enter my Essie giveaway. It closes Sunday. I really want you to win.

So today Mommy Chick received an interesting message in her Facebook inbox titled "Gay Husband?"

The body read: "Just curious. lol"

"Lol" means "laugh out loud." MC had to explain that to me. I thought maybe it was some sort of judgement about MC and me spending so much time lolling around on our ba-donk-a-donks, googling Adam Lambert and Justin Timberlake. Lol.

See? I totally used it correctly. I am already a comic genius.

So apparently some of you are unaware of the necessity for a Gay Husband. I am young, but am already on the look out for a FGA at the park.

FGA=Future Gay of America.

The duties of a Gay Husband (GH) include, but are not limited to:

1. If for any reason, your Non-Gay Husband (NGH) refuses to attend any event, like Wicked or Phantom of the Opera, the GH shall attend.

2. If you look fat, the GH will gently advise a wardrobe change. Such a maneuver should NEVER been attempted by the NGH. Death could result.

3. Should you visit a sub-par hairstylist, the GH must tell you that "Your hair looks awful and everyone is talking about it." (Yes, this happened to MC)

4. The GH must engage in mindless gossip, while agreeing with you. Expect phrases such as, "She's stupid, AND I hate her hair."

See? You totally have to get one. Gay Husbands are The New Black. The thought that some of you don't have a GH makes me a little sad.

So...I'm making it my Monkey Baby Mission to help you! I obviously have some extra time, since I don't have to worry about blow-drying or flat ironing my bald head.

So next week, I'm blessing you with another series:

How to Find Your Very Own FabuGay!

I'm blowing spit bubbles in excitement.