Valentine's Day, Juicy Stroller and Elin Woods

This is my first V-Day on the outside.  Last year at this time I was the size of a cumquat living in Mommy Chick's tummy.

MC and I went to the mall looking for Daddy Dude something fabulous.  We love to shop in what we call the "gay section" of the Macys men's department.  You know how we know it's the gay section?

This is how we know:  skinny jeans and a canary yellow cardigan.  DD would totally rock this Jonas Brothers look if MC wanted him to, but she tries to use her power for good, not evil.

We didn't go to just any mall...we went to the really fabulous mall.  You know, the one that has all the luxury stores, but that is not even the best part.  Not only is this the mall where Tiger Woods allegedly hooked up with pancake waitresses at the Blue Martini, but this is the mall where his beautiful wife, Elin, is often spotted shopping! 

I was prepared to possibly run into her, and then she and MC would become best friends.  I wore my little Trumpette Mary Jane Socks as to make a good first impression.

Anyway, Elin didn't get to meet us today.  But you know what we did see?  The Maclaren Juicy Couture stroller, live and in action!  It had a real baby in it and everything.  The baby was crying and clearly did not appreciate the glory in which his mother was pushing him.

Yep, him.  It was a toddler boy zipping around the mall in this yummy, pink stroller.  I'm so not judging, but I think the look would be complete with some skinny jeans and a little guyliner.

V-Day Spoiler Alert for Daddy Dude

This is my present for Daddy Dude.  If you know him, do not ruin his surprise.  I did not run all over town dressed like Pepto Bismol for you to go and let the cat out of the bag.  Got it?

Do you think he'll like it?

I like the flower on my head because it is subtle, kind of like good plastic surgery where instead of looking "pulled" you just look "rested."

Look What I Can Do!

Snort like a piggy!  Sometimes I do this when I am happy.  And let me tell you, it is a real crowd pleaser.  I would go as far to say that people go crazy when I do this.

I tried it out at home before I took it to the masses.  You know what happened the first time I looked at Mommy Chick and snorted?  She totally freaked out and thought I couldn't breathe.  She whisked me onto my little couture changing table and shoved a boogie sucker up my nose.  Imagine her surprise when it was a clean sweep.

Thank goodness Daddy Dude figured out that I was just snorting for fun.  The best part is, now all the adults look like fools because they snort back at me.

I sense this may become a bit socially awkward for us all soon.

Dear Peg Perego

Perhaps you have not heard of me.  I am the Amazing Never Sleeping Baby.  At just four months old, I can and do regularly stay awake for 12 or 13 hours.  Don't get me wrong, I enjoy a little power nap here and there, but that's it.

Mommy Chick and I have your Pliko P3 Travel System.  MC isn't such a big fan.  And this is Reason #428 why she doesn't love it:

This is a Tall Starbucks coffee. You're kidding me, right?  That's what first graders drink.  It barely fits into the cup holder.  Do you really think 12 ounces of coffee is enough to fuel a sleep deprived Mommy?  That's like one ounce for every hour I'm awake.

Please create a cup holder suitable for a Venti.

Respectfully Yours,

Monkey Mae

Keep Warm While Looking Fab!

Don't judge me.  I know most of you are digging out from 752 inches of snow.  But I'm a native Floridian, and anything less than 60 degrees down here warrants an Action News investigation of "how to not die in the cold or murder your orange trees or accidentally freeze your dog to the sidewalk."

Yesterday Mommy Chick and I were hibernating in the house.  We started getting a little stir crazy, so MC pulled up some fancy weather website to see if we would survive a walk.  Even though she is a recovering meteorologist, she wasn't sure if conditions were safe.  

So we called Auntie Dill, who lives in the land of sub-freezing wind chill indices.

MC:  Do you think it's safe to take Monkey Mae out?  The wind chill is 47.

AD:  Really?  We have seven inches of snow and below zero wind chill.  I don't feel sorry for you.

So off we went, double layered.  I'm wearing my Baby Gap sweater, similar to this one:

I finished off the look with a monkey fleece blanket, similar to this:

We had a super fab walk, until some old lady lectured MC about how I was going to get a runny nose from the cold.  Floridians are such wimps.

Juicy Stroller Lust

Today Mommy Chick and I went to Macro Baby.  We decided to buy an Ergo carrier.  Because I am Super Model Tall now, I'm having trouble visiting the boobie buffet in my current sling.  Several fab mommies recommended the Ergo, so we'll give it a whirl and report back to you.  We opted for chocolate brown to bring out my eyes.  An added bonus is that our dog who sheds the most is brown, so maybe his fur can be incognito on this carrier.

Have I ever told you how much MC and I hate our stroller, uh, "travel system," I mean?  I have learned so many colorful words listening to MC load and unload it from the car.  Sometimes we leave the stroller on the porch after our walks, but so far, no one has taken the bait and stolen it.

I will give you a hint who makes our travel system:  It starts with "p" and ends with "eg perego."

Since I am big enough to sit in a smaller stroller, we are looking at options.  MC almost spewed her Starbucks when she feasted her eyes upon this beauty:

It is a Maclaren Baby Juicy stroller!  Supposedly, I could chill in it until I reach 55 pounds.  Here's the catch.  It's $450.  I'm thinking that might be a hard sell to Daddy Dude, especially since he wants to use our strollers for my future siblings.  He hopes I have a brother someday, but MC and I want a girl named Harlow, so really, we can't afford not to get this stroller.

We owe it to Harlow.

Grammy Fashion, Britney and Kathy Griffin

I managed to catch some of the Grammys last night.  I'm kind of ticked that no one told me I'd needed 3d glasses for the Michael Jackson tribute.  I tried to convince Daddy Dude to run to Target to get some, but that was a no go.

I imagine you have been eagerly awaiting my fashion wrap up.  I have Baby Einstein on pause, so we'll make this quick.  It's on my favorite scene right now, a picture of a big red apple.

Anyway, Britney, why do you break my heart?  I'm not sure what this is.  It appears to be a black onesie with a sheer burp cloth as a skirt.

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I don't care what anyone says about Britney.  I love her.  I love her crazy.  I lover her skinny. I love her bald. I love her fat.  I am a true fan, so much so that I went to her Circus concert last February.  I had only been in Mommy Chick's tummy about 14 weeks.  MC sat in the arena, eating saltines and clutching a puke bag.  But it was so worth it! 

Wanna know why?  We were at the concert.  You know, the one where she had the wardrobe malfunction and said the P word when she thought her mic was off!  After that, I had to grow up pretty fast.

Moving on, I think Kathy Griffin looked fabulous.

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I also saw her live while in utero.  I was so excited, I posed for a picture during the show.  It's a bird's eye view of me in my seat.  DD thought MC was laughing so hard that I might come out right there.

That's actually what MC was hoping for, because she knew that would be her ticket to appearing on the D-List.  And then we would probably be invited to regulars on the show and eventually spin off into our own series.  But looking back on it, stardom would probably suck, so I'm glad we can go to story time without the paparazzi.